feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
