whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i've created a new STD.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
