he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
