I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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