So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
