That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
