Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
