girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
