you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
