I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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