Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
