Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
