He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
