Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
