i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
