btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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