My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
