Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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