Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
