Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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