Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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