pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
