i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
