Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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