i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
