Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
