What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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