Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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