just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
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Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap