I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
