Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was