just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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