I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
