I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My ATM looks so different sober.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
