I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize