Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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