AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
