I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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