Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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