i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
