Just cropdusted the office
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
