It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
