so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
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i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
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The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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