We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
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Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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