2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
