You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
