For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
