Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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