Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize