I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize