I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
