This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
