my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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