She is in my trunk
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
