we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
