I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just google imaged poop.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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