All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
