South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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