I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
