my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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