I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
