Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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