i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The struggles of a small town man whore
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
