I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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