Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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