There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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