last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
