my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Fuck me I smell like cheese
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
