I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
